


half agony, half hope

by leiaorganaa



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Persuasion AU if you squint, Tropes, Weddings, basically a hallmark movie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:27:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26624428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiaorganaa/pseuds/leiaorganaa
Summary: two years ago, sokka proposed to zuko.zuko said no.on aang and katara's wedding weekend, zuko has a chance to make things right.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Past Sokka/Suki, Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), past Sokka/Jet
Comments: 59
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever."
> 
> \- Jane Austen, Persuasion

Zuko didn’t feel nauseous until the plane landed. 

H’d always liked flying - any kind of transportation, really. Planes were liminal spaces, existing outside of time and the normal rules of society. He was nobody on a plane, and he could curl up against the window seat and nap, or read, while the trappings of his real life fell away. 

Zuko hated his real life less than usual lately, but it had still been nice to catch up on free reading before the fall semester began, when he would be too exhausted by homework to even think about cracking open a book for fun. Now he was seized with a feeling not unlike motion sickness, his heart trying to escape his body by way of his throat. 

He managed to stow the book in his bag and held onto it with clenched fingers, trying to even out his breathing as the passengers around him rose and stretched, the cabin filling with low chatter. Zuko waited until everyone had filed out, except there was still an old man, who was struggling to get his duffel bag from the overhead compartment. All Zuko wanted was to escape and get some water, but he heard his uncle’s voice in his head and the next thing he knew, Zuko was carrying the man’s duffel for him all the way to baggage claim. 

Focusing on the weight of the bag, politely ignoring the old man’s chatter, Zuko was able to steady his breathing. Lower his pulse. Drowning in cortisol was how one therapist had put it, warning him of the illnesses that could be triggered early by carrying around so much stress. As if that had done anything to put him at ease. 

After dropping the bag off and awkwardly dodging the old man’s attempt to pay him, Zuko headed for the exits with his own bag in tow. Aang had promised there would be someone to pick him up, but it was possible this was all an elaborate prank to humiliate him, for which he didn’t feel he was entirely undeserving. His stomach dropped with the escalator, imagining the ordeal of buying a return ticket home while trying not to burst into tears. But as he descended, Aang himself came into view, lanky and cheerful as ever.

“Zuko, over here!” he cried, waving his arms as if he wasn't far taller than the rest of the crowd. Toph stood next to him, wearing her perpetual smirk. Zuko's heart constricted, and he bit back the wave of emotion as he disembarked from the escalator. 

"I can't believe you came to get me on your own wedding weekend," he said. Aang beamed. 

"It's no problem, buddy!"

"Apparently we were 'in the way'," Toph drawled, and from her smile she wasn't the least bit sorry about it.

“Congratulations,” Zuko said softly, letting himself be crowded into a hug. He’d known Katara and Aang would get married as soon as he met them, when Aang could barely take his eyes off her while Katara was ranting about sexism in STEM. She’d been a biology major and was now in her second year of medical school, or so he’d heard from Aang and Facebook. She’d had him blocked for a little while after everything went down, and even now he wasn’t sure what to expect. The last time he’d seen her in person, she’d dumped a glass of water on his head. 

He didn’t have much to say, which was fine as Aang and Toph began chattering about a variety of topics as they led him to the car, most of the conversation too quick for him to follow. It was comfortable, a noise he’d gotten familiar with in college when he hung out with them in the dining hall or the lounge. One thing he’d always loved about his friends was how they made him feel included without even trying, how by just letting him into their close-knit group, he’d felt like he mattered. The loss of that closeness had been the second worst thing about graduation, and Zuko’s stomach churned at the thought of the first. 

“So, sparky,” Toph turned around in the passenger seat, baring her teeth in a grin. “Have ya thought about what you’ll say to Sokka?” 

“Toph!” Aang said in anguish. “I told you-” 

“It’s alright.” Zuko threaded his trembling fingers together. “To be honest - not really.” It hadn’t been for lack of trying - he’d spent countless hours pacing the length of his small apartment, trying to figure out how he would even feel, seeing Sokka. The part of him that he’d tried to bury was elated, giddy, even, like a teenager. The rest was terrified. When he thought of Sokka’s face that night, how he was still on one knee - Zuko groaned and sunk down into the seat. Toph cackled.

“God, I wish I could see the look on your faces. It’s gonna be great.” 

“Aang -” Zuko scrambled upright, suddenly panicked. “He knows I’m coming, right?” He saw Aang roll his eyes in the rearview mirror. 

“No, Zuko, I thought it would be really fun to surprise him.” 

When Aang was sarcastic, that’s when Zuko knew he was being ridiculous. But that didn’t stop the ridiculous, anxious flutter of his heart, which only intensified after about a half hour, when they turned into the long drive leading to the hotel. It was a beautiful stone building nestled in the heart of a pine forest, with a flower garden outcropping overlooking cliffs that led out to the sea (Zuko had clicked through the website on one of his sleepless, anxious nights). It was perfect for Aang and Katara, and Zuko felt a pang, not for the first time, that he couldn’t celebrate properly with the people who had once been his dearest friends. But he’d given that up, and instead he was walking into a den of Katara and Sokka’s closest relatives, all of whom probably hated him. 

“We’re here!” Aang said cheerfully as he parked, between a VW bus that Zuko recognized as belonging to Hakoda, and Sokka’s ancient blue Corvette, which Zuko had spent a summer around as he studied in the front yard of the house they rented while Sokka painstakingly restored it. It wrung a smile out of him despite his nerves, remembering how distracted he’d been at Sokka shirtless, swearing as he bent over the open hood. And a warmer memory still, pressed against the backseat in the dark -

Zuko tore his gaze away and forced himself out of Aang’s car, standing rigidly as Toph came around the side and grabbed his arm. 

“You can do it,” she said, voice laced with sarcasm, but Zuko knew her grip was more for his benefit. 

Someone called to Aang, and he shot Zuko an apologetic look before bouncing off to meet a harried looking woman with glasses and a clipboard, who could only be the wedding planner. There were a few other people trickling in and out of the hotel, no one that Zuko recognized - although from their brown skin and dark hair, as well as the nasty look one of them shot him, they must have been Sokka’s family. He made a move to grab his luggage from the back, but Toph shook her head and tugged him forward. 

“May as well get it over with,” she said, and Zuko swallowed hard, letting her lead him through the lovely entryway of the hotel. 

Inside was a scene Zuko was very familiar with - the ordered chaos that always preceded a big event. Workers carried chairs and flowers back and forth, shouting questions and orders to one another over the din of what sounded like something being drilled together in the distance. The ground floor was one open plan, and it took Zuko a moment to spot the front desk. He started towards it before stopping short at a voice that floated from one of the side rooms. 

“For the last time, I’m busy! Yes, my sister’s wedding is more important!” Sokka let out a wordless cry of frustration, and before Zuko could run, hide, melt into the floor, his ex-boyfriend of two years, who he’d never gone a day without thinking about, stalked into the lobby as he stuffed his phone in his back pocket. 

Sokka saw Zuko immediately and nearly tripped over a stray vase, blue eyes widening like a deer about to be run over. He was dressed in a white t-shirt stretched over lean, muscled arms, and shorts. At some point in the past two years he’d changed his wardrobe, swapped out his gyms shorts for fabric ones that ended mid thigh. Zuko’s mouth went dry. 

“Hey,” he croaked.

Sokka looked at him like he’d grown a second head. They stared at each other and it was like everyone else had vanished, like they were the last two people on Earth and the hole in Zuko’s aching heart was finally filled. His mouth pulled up into a hesitant smile. 

“It’s really good to see you, Sokka-” 

Sokka’s gaze darkened, and before Zuko could finish his sentence, he spun on his heel and stomped in the other direction.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m sorry, sir, I don’t see any record of that name.” 

The woman at the front desk gave Zuko an apologetic look, a flicker of wariness behind the eyes that told of many exchanges with irate customers who didn’t hear what they were expecting. He wasn’t proud of this, but there was a time Zuko would have been one of those customers. Instead he took a deep breath and smiled, pressing his lips together a little too hard to stop the bottom one from trembling. He was already feeling raw from his encounter with Sokka, and now it seemed like the universe was screaming that he wasn’t supposed to be here.

“Are you sure? I made the reservation myself several months ago.” 

“I’ll check again, sir.” The woman busied herself at the computer - she could have been playing solitaire, for all he knew, and Zuko tried not to buckle under the weight of the many pairs of eyes in the lobby that were now on him. Toph had trailed after Sokka, leaving him alone, and it had taken everything in Zuko’s power not to hotwire Aang’s car and high-tail it back to the airport.

“What’s going on?” 

Katara’s voice cut through the air like crystal. The receptionist’s eyes flicked behind him, no doubt recognizing the bride, and she straightened a little as Katara came up beside Zuko. His tensed as he saw her out of his peripheral vision, not daring to look. Losing her friendship had hurt - it had taken him a long time to win it, and even longer still for her to trust him with her brother’s heart. They’d bickered all the time at first, but gradually she’d thawed towards him, and he’d come to appreciate the strength of her convictions, the way she never wavered. 

There was one night when they were studying together, just the two of them, and on their caffeine run she’d opened up about her mother. Zuko hadn’t even talked about Ursa with Sokka yet - it was in some ways his rawest wound, because when he thought about how she’d left him it was opened up all over again. But living through the pain with Katara, he’d begun to feel a part of himself knit back together. 

Now he was sure she’d never speak to him again. It was only out of her love for Aang that he’d even been allowed to come.

The receptionist explained the situation again, and Zuko saw the slightest whisper of an in. “I can call a taxi,” he said. Katara’s head swiveled towards him as if he’d shouted, a furrow between her eyebrows. Their gazes met and as expected, hers was closed to him. But then, to Zuko’s surprise, she turned back to the receptionist. 

“That doesn’t make any sense. We knew he was coming.” 

The receptionist’s brow furrowed, and then it was as if a lightbulb went off. Very quickly, she turned sheepish. “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Our systems updated a few months ago and I think there was a glitch. But unfortunately we’re completely booked, and the conference rooms are all in use for the event -” 

“I can get a hotel in the city,” Zuko said quickly. “Really.” The dregs of his inheritance - what little the IRS had allowed unfrozen for him to live on - said otherwise, but Zuko would have rather eaten ramen for the next month than bear another minute of this. Katara’s lips pursed, the familiar sign of her trying to solve a problem. Both she and Sokka got the same determined frown on their faces.

“He can have my room.” 

Zuko’s blood quickened, and he turned slowly to see Sokka, standing once more in the middle of the lobby, his arms crossed. Toph stood at his side, lips quirked into a smile. 

“I can’t put you out like that,” Zuko said, voice coming out rough. Sokka stared resolutely at the floor, his cheeks darkening with color. 

“It’s fine. I’ll bunk with Toph and Suki.” 

The breath left Zuko’s lungs in a rush. Of course Suki was here. Why wouldn’t she be? Gorgeous, funny, wickedly smart Suki who danced through a room and had always made Zuko feel like a miserable creature of darkness. And she had always been so nice to him, teasing like they were old friends, and he could never bring himself to hate her even though she was Sokka’s ex and looked like that, and was a thousand more times well-adjusted and mentally stable than he would ever be. Suki was good for Sokka, and it looked like he’d finally come around to realizing it. 

Zuko was happy for him. Even though it felt like he’d been punched in the chest.

Sokka held out his key card, and Zuko took it slowly. He had some notion that Sokka would startle if he moved too quickly, like a woodland creature. And the masochist inside of him wanted to look at Sokka up close for as long as he could. 

Their fingers brushed and Sokka jerked his hand away, startling Zuko and sending a bolt of hurt and shame through his belly. Sokka wasn't his to ogle, and he clearly wanted as little to do with him as possible. 

"I'll come by and get my stuff later," Sokka said, still not looking at him. His voice was flat. Katara took his arm. 

“C’mon. The rehearsal dinner is starting soon.” 

“Thank you,” Zuko said, but Sokka was already turning from him. 

-  
Zuko grabbed his bag and lugged it to the room with little difficulty, refusing the offer of help from a porter. It was on the second floor, and once he found it, he hesitated for only a moment before sliding the keycard in.

The room wasn’t dirty, but it was messy - clothes strewn over surfaces, toiletries placed haphazardly in the bathroom, Sokka’s laptop sitting under a pile of papers in the chair. Zuko couldn’t help but smile. Their friends had always thought that Sokka’s habits must have driven Zuko crazy, as Zuko’s apartment right now was military clean, bare. But Zuko had always liked the messiness. Sokka made every space he occupied feel lived in. 

Growing up, Zuko had been punished if he left so much as a wrapper on the kitchen counter. Everything had its place, and so did everyone - he and Azula were not allowed on the first floor of the mansion if his father had guests, unless they were explicitly called for. 

The one time Zuko had stayed at Sokka’s childhood home, he’d accidentally stumbled upon the kitchen while looking for the bathroom/ He’d apologized profusely to Sokka’s grandmother for disturbing her, trying to retreat,but she’d waved him off and showed him her recipe for blueberry pancakes - a dash of cinnamon, vanilla, and lemon juice were the secret ingredients. Zuko had never felt so warm inside, and could hardly explain to Sokka why he’d started crying as they drove away at the end of the long weekend, the little house growing smaller in the rearview mirror as they wound down the long gravel drive. 

Feeling like an intruder, Zuko set his bag down and went about gently cleaning off the chair of Sokka’s possessions. He sat down, and after staring blankly for a few moments, took his book out. He didn’t have anything else to do, and he didn’t want to take a shower until after Sokka had come for his things. It was hard to focus at first, but reading had always calmed Zuko, and the chair was in a patch of late day sun, still strong in the early evening. 

He read for a while, but soon his mind began to wander to thoughts of Sokka, images of the past and present blending together. And then he was drifting off, the book falling in his lap, threads of his subconscious leaping from the surface in an anxious chorus in the back of his mind; tell him, tell him, tell him. 

When he woke up, it was dark, and someone was pounding at the door. Zuko’s heart leapt into his throat, and he instinctively curled around himself, groggy and confused but anticipating danger. 

“Zuko, open up!” Sokka shouted. After a moment of comprehension, Zuko leapt to his feet, almost tripping in the process, and glanced at the digital alarm clock on the bedside table. It read 8:34, which meant the rehearsal dinner must have been over. He got to the door and opened it, revealing a very different Sokka than the one he’d met in the lobby. 

This Sokka was drunk, first of all. He’d changed into a short-sleeved button up that was a little too small for him (Hakoda’s, maybe?), and rode up as he slouched against the doorframe, showing a patch of smooth brown skin. Zuko swallowed and tore his eyes away. 

Sokka teetered forward and jabbed a finger towards him. “I came…” he trailed off, gaze fuzzy as it wandered somewhere over Zuko’s left shoulder, “-came t’get my stuff.” 

“Sorry,” Zuko said. He didn’t know exactly what he was apologizing for, but it seemed appropriate. “Are...are you drunk?” It was stating the obvious, but he couldn’t quite believe the wall between them had crumbled so quickly. 

He hated the fact that Sokka had to get drunk to stand being in the same room as him, but a selfish part of his brain wanted any time he could get. He’d squandered his chance at true happiness, so he might as well drink it in while he could. Being in such close quarters with Sokka again was intoxicating. It lit a flame in him that had long been dormant, and he’d relish it even though it would make leaving this weekend hurt all the worse.

“You solved the mystery,” Sokka mumbled, brushing past him. Zuko closed the door and took a deep breath, which was a mistake as his mouth and nose flooded with the Sokka’s scent, crisp and clean like winter under the bittersweet tang of beer. The lizard part of his brain, the one that didn’t know or care that he and Sokka had been broken up for two years, reared up in wanting. Zuko sighed and leaned against the door. 

He’d been wrong to be happy - he’d be lucky if he survived the next ten minutes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: past child abuse

Zuko stood and watched Sokka fumble around the room for all of a minute before, awkward but determined, he began grabbing Sokka’s things and arranging them on the bed to be put away. It took Sokka a minute to notice as he was engaged in battle with his phone charger and the wall outlet, but when Zuko went for the closet, Sokka shot him a dirty look. 

“What are you doing?” 

Zuko sighed. “Helping.” 

“I can do it myself.” Sokka clambered to his feet, then sat heavily on the bed with a groan. 

“Let me get you some water,” Zuko said, mostly to get away for a second because Sokka’s hair had come undone somewhere during the outlet battle, and he had always found that look insanely attractive. And when Sokka peered petulantly up at him under dark eyelashes, he kind of felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

He quickly went in the bathroom, hoping Sokka wouldn’t notice that he shut the door behind him, and leaned his forehead against the wall. 

He’d never stopped being into Sokka. Two years of lonely masturbation and no porn or hookup had ever come close to the way Sokka had made him feel, and he’d long resigned himself to the fact that it was just another part of what he’d lost. But no matter what he was feeling right now, he couldn't put that on Sokka. The right thing to do was text Aang for Suki and Toph's room, and bring Sokka there. And hope he didn't run into any angry relatives on the way. 

Where is Suki and Toph's room? He texted Aang quickly, then stowed his phone in his pocket. Then he took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door again. 

"Sokka, I think we should-"

Sokka was curled up on the bed, clutching a sweatshirt and snoring softly into a pillow. Zuko's heart cracked open.

He shakily lowered himself into the chair, unable to take his eyes off the man that he was definitely, completely still in love with. If anything had cinched it, it was the fact that he felt like he had been cleaved apart, made speechless by the love and grief that unfurled itself inside of him in this moment. He couldn't breathe. 

The last two years bled away and Zuko was filled with visions of their life together as it had been, lazy mornings and fervent nights. Even when they fought, they'd never been able to keep their hands off each other. But not every night had been like that. Zuko had the familiar nightmares of being pushed into the fire, of his father's unceasing grip on the back of his neck as he screamed. 

In reality, he'd woken up in the hospital bed before Iroh showed up to take him home. He'd never seen his father up close again. But in Zuko's dreams it had been Ozai who towered over him in the hospital, looking down at him with grim disappointment before strangling him to finish what he'd started. 

Zuko would wake up screaming, drenched in sweat. He'd never kept the truth from Sokka, but as Sokka rubbed his back and whispered comfort into his ear, Zuko had stared at the wall in the dark. Throat thick with shame as a lingering specter of Ozai whispered into his other ear, the ruined one, telling him what a miserable burden he was.

That was why he'd given this up. The intensive therapy and medication had come too late for him and Sokka. By the time he'd come back to himself after the breakup (the first few months had been bad), all he'd had left of his life before was ashes. 

There was a knock on the door, startling Zuko out of his thoughts. He approached the door on soft feet, out of habit, and looked through the peephole. Suki and Toph stood out in the hallway. 

"C'mon, Sparky, open up!" Toph shouted. That made Zuko open the door quickly, slipping out into the hall. 

Toph was dressed the same as before, a little more pink in her cheeks. Suki wore a dark green summer dress, hair curling around her shoulders. She peered up at him with a crooked smile. 

“Hello there,” she said. “You haven’t seen Sokka, have you?” 

“Um, he’s in here.” Zuko jabbed a finger back into the room. “He...fell asleep. I can get him if you want.” 

The girls leaned in towards one another and shared an inscrutable giggle. Zuko, not for the first time that day, wished he could sink into the floor and disappear. He wasn’t exactly well versed in etiquette when talking to your ex’s ex who was probably not their ex anymore. 

“That’s okay,” Suki said, “You can keep him. He just wandered off after the rehearsal dinner and we just wanted to make sure he was alright.” 

“Seems like he’s taken care of,” Toph drawled, and heat flooded Zuko’s cheeks. He looked frantically to Suki. 

“That’s not - it’s not -” 

But she was smiling. 

“He’s sleeping,” Zuko said, but the desperation in his voice made him sound guilty of something. Toph waved a hand. 

“Whatever you say.” 

“Suki, I-” 

Suki had definitely been drinking as well, but when he said her name, her eyes narrowed into a gaze that seemed to pierce right through him. Her eyebrow raised. “You think - oh. No.” She broke off into a musical laugh. “Zuko, I don’t care where Sokka sleeps. He can do whatever he wants.” 

So it was some kind of open thing then. Clearly they didn’t believe him that nothing was going on, so Zuko tried one last attempt. “You could take him with you? I’m sure he doesn’t want to wake up here.” In the same room as me. 

Toph snorted. “Drag sleepy, drunk Sokka down the hallway? No thank you. He’s fine. Just get him up by noon or Katara will kill you.” 

Zuko looked desperately to Suki, who shrugged. “Have a good night, Zuko,” she said, then had the audacity to wink before she and Toph linked arms and ventured down the corridor, exploding into muffled laughter. 

Zuko groaned and trudged back into the room, softening again when his eyes lit on Sokka. He would have to sleep on the chair - even he wasn’t going to sleep on a hotel floor to make Sokka more comfortable. It would be a sleepless night, but Zuko wasn’t too proud to admit it was worth looking haggard at the wedding to get a few more hours even in the same room as Sokka. 

He grabbed a blanket off the bed and turned the light off before curling up in the chair. It was awkward and stiff, and there was no position that wouldn’t wreak havoc on his neck. He did the best he could, bringing his knees up and propping his head against one armrest. However, he must have still been tired from traveling, as he did fall asleep. 

He had a nightmare. 

It wasn’t Ozai - those were thankfully few and far between these days. He was sitting in the mansion’s living room with Sokka, who was nestled against his side. But when he looked down, Sokka’s expression was cold. 

“I never wanted to be with you,” he said. 

“Stop it.” Zuko said. 

“I just felt bad. All scarred up. Miserable. Everybody said it wouldn’t last.” Before Zuko could respond, dream Sokka reached up and stroked the scar, so gentle it made Zuko’s eyes well up with tears. “Besides,” he said, and it was Sokka and Ozai and Azula and Zuko himself who spoke through his mouth, “Who could ever love you?” 

Zuko gasped awake, cheeks wet. He’d fallen halfway out of the chair, and in the darkness Sokka stirred. Zuko was as still as he could, but he could just make out Sokka’s eyes drag open.

“What’s wrong?” Sokka said, voice rough with sleep. Zuko couldn’t speak yet, if not from the nightmare than the shock that Sokka had not immediately kicked him out upon waking. 

“Nightmare?” Sokka said softly. Zuko nodded, tears pricking his eyes at the very word, the kernel of tenderness and familiarity that it contained. Sokka closed his eyes. “Just come lie down.” 

Zuko was exhausted and sore and he didn’t have it in him to protest. He trudged around the bed and slid under the covers, every muscle stiff. Sokka’s presence was a warm and heavy weight beside him, and it took every ounce of Zuko had to face away and curl up, as close to the edge as he could get. Sokka rolled around for a moment, resettling, then gave a sleepy sigh and soon, his breathing slowed again.   
-

Zuko woke up violently, clawing his way through the veil of sleep. He lay there, panting softly for a moment before realizing that Sokka had woken up first. 

He could feel the heavy press of his gaze, and he was afraid to turn over and look lest the moment would shatter and Sokka would leave. But he did anyone, meeting piercing, if slightly bloodshot blue eyes with a swallow. 

“Why are you here?” Sokka said quietly. 

That was not what Zuko had expected to hear, and the question cut him to the quick faster than if Sokka had shouted at him. 

“For Aang,” he said, after a moment. “And...Katara.” And you, he wanted to say, but Sokka’s face contorted into a funny expression and Zuko realized that he had, in fact, said that part out load. His heart thrummed so quickly in his chest he thought he might faint. 

“You -” Sokka said, and lunged towards him faster than he could react, pressing him into a bruising kiss. 

It was clumsy and it hurt, teeth scraping and noses knocking together. But the want in Zuko flamed into an inferno, and he groaned against Sokka’s mouth. Sokka’s hand clenched around his bicep and he pulled back, eyes dark and lips spit-slick, panting slightly. Zuko wasn’t too turned on not to realize that Sokka was angry. 

“Sokka,” he whispered, staring up at him. The torrent of everything he wanted to say, everything he’d been bottling up for two years pressed against his lips, begging to be let out. But how could he even start? How could he explain that when he’d seen Sokka kneeling in front of him, the ring glinting in the moonlight, that Zuko had never felt more unworthy in his life. Had been certain that he was saving Sokka from a huge mistake. 

Who could ever love you?

He’d hesitated too long, because Sokka’s face shuttered. “It’s fine.” He pushed the blankets off and stood, facing away from Zuko. “Just wanted to remember what it was like.” 

He grabbed a few things, his laptop and the suit hanging in the hallway closet, and without another glance, Sokka was gone. 

And Zuko was alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think we'll have a couple more chapters after this :)


	4. Chapter 4

Zuko started to cry as soon as Iroh answered the phone. 

“Oh, nephew,” Iroh said softly, which only made Zuko cry harder. 

“I messed up,” he choked, after getting his breath back. “I just want to go home.” He should have told Sokka that he still loved him. Kissed him back. Anything but sit there, silent, and let him slip through his fingers yet again. Probably forever this time.

He told Iroh the vague version of what had happened, with the room mixup and his nightmare. “It was a mistake for me to come here.” He sounded miserable and self-pitying to his own ears, but all he wanted was to crawl into his own bed. “I could get a flight back tonight.” 

Iroh made a low  _ hmm _ sound, which was what he did when he didn’t agree with Zuko, but wanted him to come to his own conclusions. 

“Zuko, you have told me how Sokka has behaved. But what do you want? What do you feel in your heart?” 

Zuko hesitated, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table. “I want him back. But I don’t think that he wants me back, not really. And besides, he’s with Suki again.” 

Iroh made another noise, less thoughtful and more that he thought Zuko was being an idiot. “Dear nephew, do you know this for a fact?”    


Zuko’s mouth twisted. “No.” 

“Ahh.” 

Silence settled, punctuated only by a loud sip of tea from the other end. Zuko knew what his uncle wanted him to say - that he would find out the facts and confess his feelings, that he would try to get Sokka back. But he was terrified. If Sokka rejected him, that was it. It was truly over between them. Zuko would have to move on, but truthfully, he didn’t think he knew how. 

“Zuko,” Iroh said. “You have a second chance with the person you love. This is a rare and lovely thing. I think you would regret it if you didn’t try.” 

“But what if he says no?” Zuko whispered, eyes welling up again.

“Even after the harshest winter, there is growth. You are the most resilient of flowers, nephew, and I will always be here to help you thrive.” Iroh chuckled. “Besides, there’s no heartbreak a good cup of tea can’t fix.” 

Zuko snorted. “I think I’ve proven you wrong on that one.” 

“Or we just haven’t found your perfect cup!”

He exchanged a few more minutes of conversation with Iroh - really just letting Iroh chatter about the past few days at the tea shop. Then, his resolve growing, Zuko decided to venture downstairs and see if he could find Sokka before the wedding that afternoon.

He cleaned up, dressed in a nice button down and dress pants, and after anxiously fighting with his hair for a few moments, he took a deep breath and left the room. As he descended the stairs to the lobby, he was met with the unmistakable smell of coffee and breakfast food - he remembered the front desk attendant apologetically telling him about the hotel’s continental breakfast after the room situation had been sorted out. A wave of anxiety washed over him. 

Zuko had planned to go to Suki and Toph’s room - Aang had finally texted him back last night - but if there was anywhere Sokka was likely to be right now, it was breakfast. Along with a bunch of his other family members. Probably Hakoda, maybe even Gran-Gran. At the thought of the seeing the old woman again, Zuko nearly turned and fled back upstairs. But instead he forced himself across the lobby, one foot at a time. 

If he got Sokka back, it would all be worth it. 

He slipped into the dining room as quietly as possible, but as packed with people as the room was, it was impossible to avoid notice. He chanced a look at the center table - sure enough, Sokka was there, sitting across from Aang and Aang’s foster father, Gyatso. And sitting next to Sokka was Hakoda, who by some trick of nature honed in on Zuko’s presence before anyone else did. Zuko gulped and raised a hand in greeting - friendly, he could do friendly, but Hakoda just gave him a cold stare reminiscent of Katara and turned back to his plate. 

“Hey, Zuko!” Aang’s voice, jubilant as always, cut through the crowd. Zuko winced, feeling eyes in his direction as he made himself a cup of black tea. Steeling himself, tea in hand, he made his way over to Aang. 

“Happy wedding day,” he said, cracking a smile. It was a struggle not to immediately try and catch Sokka’s eye. 

Aang beamed. “Thanks! I can’t believe it came so fast!” 

“And how are you, young Zuko?” Gyatso asked. He was a quiet speaker, but there was always a twinkle in his eye like he knew a joke you were missing. Zuko was both surprised and not that the old man remembered his name, although they’d only met once or twice. 

“I’m well, thank you.” He nodded his head. “And you?” 

“Oh, I’m fine.” Gyatso chuckled. “How’s that uncle of yours? He owes me a pai sho rematch.” 

Zuko shot Aang a baffled look. He hadn’t known the two men had ever met. Aang just shrugged. 

“Um, I’m sure he’d be happy to oblige.” As Zuko spoke, he chanced a look at Sokka, who met his gaze, expression neutral. He took a deep breath. This was probably not the right time, but he was afraid if he didn’t do it now, the rest of the wedding would pass him by and Sokka would be gone again. 

“Sokka, can I talk to you for a second?” 

Hakoda’s face darkened. “Sokka’s fine just where he is.” 

“Dad-” Sokka flushed. “Chill. Seriously. It’s fine.” 

“Sokka-” 

“ _ Dad _ .” Sokka leveled him with a look, and his voice lowered. “We talked about this. I can take care of myself.” 

Father and son stared at each other for a moment before Hakoda softened and patted Sokka on the shoulder. “Okay. Just don’t be long, or your sister will kill us both.” 

Sokka nodded and pushed back his chair, and Zuko tried to look like he hadn’t been staring this entire time. He wordlessly followed Sokka from the dining room, passing several tittering aunts of Sokka and Katara.

“They’ll be gossiping about this for a year,” Sokka grumbled as they went out into the lobby. Zuko hesitated for a moment before realizing Sokka was waiting for him to choose a spot, so he brought them to a bench at the back of the room, halfway hidden behind a stone pillar. Zuko felt like all his organs were rattling around in his chest, and it took him a moment before he could speak, fingers digging into his pants. 

“Look,” Sokka said after a few moments of silence, and the kindness in his voice was unbearable. “I’m sorry I kissed you. I just need to get through today and you’ll never see me again -” 

“That’s not it at all!” Zuko said, panicked. “It’s just -” 

Sokka’s phone began to ring.

“ _ With the taste of your lips I’m on a ride, you’re toxic I’m -”  _

“God-” Sokka wrenched the phone out of his pocket and swiped the ignore button. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Zuko said quickly. “Sokka, what I wanted to say was -” 

_Toxic_ began to play again. 

Sokka actually growled, swiping ignore with such forcefulness that Zuko thought the phone might fall out of his hand. He caught the name of the caller id - _Dickhead_. 

“Who is that?” he blurted. He’d never known Sokka to set a specific ringtone for anyone unless they figured heavily into his life somehow. 

Sokka froze. “No one.” 

And he’d overstepped. When he was trying to make things right between them. They both started to talk at the same time. 

“I’m sorry, it’s none of my -”    


“It’s just that -” 

The phone rang  _ again _ . 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Sokka said, abruptly standing. “I’m so sorry. One minute.” 

He stalked a few feet away into a corner, answering the call in hushed, and clearly furious tones. Zuko felt a rush of anger towards whoever was giving Sokka such a hard time - but he was also uneasy. Sokka didn’t owe him any answers, but something told him this wasn’t someone involved in Sokka’s work life. It seemed personal. 

Sokka swore into the phone and then as Zuko watched, hung up and turned it off entirely. When he turned back towards Zuko, he had an angry crease between his eyebrows that meant he was really upset about something. 

Before he was really aware of it, Zuko got up and approached Sokka, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Whatever was making Sokka so upset took precedence over his feelings. 

“Hey,” he said, and Sokka looked at him, eyes softening. Zuko’s heart fluttered. “You can talk to me, you know. I’m here for you. Always.” 

Sokka bit his lip, which made Zuko’s stomach flip with pained desire. They were standing so close. Sokka was warm to the touch even under his t-shirt, and slowly, sure he was about to be pushed away, Zuko slid his hand down Sokka’s bare arm. The anger in Sokka’s face melted away, and at the touch his lashes fluttered, frantic as if he were trying to stop the reaction as it happened. They could kiss right now, Zuko realized. Behind the pillar, and no one would even see them. 

He needed to tell Sokka that he still had feelings for him. That he wanted to marry him. That he thought about him every single day. But, brain clouded with the feverish want that always overtook him when he got too close to Sokka, Zuko found himself taking a step forward, his other hand grasping Sokka’s forearm. Sokka’s throat bobbed, and for a moment Zuko thought he had made a terrible mistake - but then Sokka’s hands slid to the small of his back, burning a tattoo onto his skin. 

“Open your eyes, Zuko,” Sokka whispered, and Zuko did, immediately biting back a breathy gasp. Their faces were only a few inches apart. Sokka’s mouth, red and parted. The wash of color across his brown skin, his eyes - pupils blown wide, liquid and anxious and full of want. He  _ wanted  _ this. 

Zuko crashed forward, pulling Sokka into a searing kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR TEASING but i promise the burn will be worth it in the end :)


	5. Chapter 5

The kiss was hot and insistent, and when Sokka licked into his mouth, the logical part of Zuko’s brain short-circuited. Arousal roared to life in his belly, a sweetly burning fire that had ever inch of his skin alight. His shame, guilt, hesitance - all were burned away. There was only Sokka, the taste and smell of him. His arms were warm and solid and Zuko clung to them like a drowning man. 

“Zuko,” Sokka breathed against his lips, and Zuko heard his own choked groan of reply. Sokka pressed him against the pillar, slotting their bodies together as he began to mouth against Zuko’s neck. His teeth were like a match striking flint, and Zuko gasped, fingers scrabbling for purchase and finding it anew as he tugged Sokka’s shirt from his pants, sliding his hands over the warm skin underneath. 

Someone coughed.

Zuko’s eyes flew open and he tried to pull away, but Sokka held him where he was, pulling back with a lazy grin. The sight of him like this, lips bitten red and eyes hazy with want, was almost enough to beat back the wave of embarrassment that Zuko felt at someone having caught them. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Suki said drily, stepping around the pillar. But there was something else, an expression that flickered across her face for just a moment before vanishing. Something like happiness. 

Okay, maybe Zuko had to admit that she wasn’t back together with Sokka after all. 

“There’s a bit of a dog emergency, and Toph and I need help,” she said, tugging a clump of white fur off the front of her dress. Appa and Momo were Aang’s dogs, and Zuko shouldn’t have been surprised that they were part of the ceremony somehow. Aang didn’t go anywhere without them. 

“I’ll just go back to the room,” he mumbled, not wanting to look at Sokka. He still had Zuko half pressed against the pillar, but Zuko was suddenly filled with fear that this injection of reality had shattered whatever had surged up between them. But then, a hand grasped his, and he looked up to see Sokka smiling at him, blue eyes sparkling with warmth. 

“Don’t be an idiot,” he said. “You’re helping.” 

-

Zuko barely paid attention to the dog wrangling he did over the next hour, because he could feel Sokka’s eyes on him the entire time. He kept sneaking glances and there Sokka was, eyes dark and intense, smiling every time Zuko met his gaze. It sent tingles down his spine every time, and he was practically floating with hope and happiness. There had been no pulling away, no ‘this was a mistake’ - they  _ were  _ going to talk about it. And he could even dare to hope that Sokka was going to give him another chance. 

Once the dogs were brushed, fed, and each wearing adorable blue velvet bowties, it was time to get ready for the wedding. “I’ll see you later,” Sokka whispered as he brushed past Zuko, to which Toph cried, “Wait, did you guys -” before Suki hauled her away. 

Cheeks red but brimming with happiness, Zuko made his way back to the room. He dressed himself in the suit he’d brought, and after not being able to sit with his nerves for too long, decided to meander downstairs and outside. 

The hotel had a pavilion nestled in the midst of a gorgeous garden, in full bloom. Wedding guests mulled about the grounds, the perfumed air filled with light chatter. There was a string quartet playing classical music off to the side, and in the center of the pavilion was a stunning arch of white peonies and natural greenery twisting towards the sun. 

It was beautiful, not that Zuko had expected any less. As he took a seat in a white folding chair a few rows back, he realized that his eyes were welling up. He swiped a half-formed tear away and laughed at himself. Sokka had been delighted when he figured out how sentimental Zuko truly was, and weddings were no exception. But his emotion was bittersweet. He could have been married to Sokka already. They could have been at this wedding together. He wasn’t going to let Sokka go again if he could help it. 

The stressed looking woman from before, the wedding planner, appeared to announce that the ceremony would be starting soon. The chairs began to fill up, and soon the quartet had begun to play in earnest as a hush fell over the ground. Toph, Suki, and two other women who must have been Katara’s cousins came down the center isle, beaming and carrying bouquets that had the same blooming, wild quality as the archway. The bridesmaids all wore shades of blue, Suki in a sapphire silk gown that moved around her like water, Toph in a robin’s egg jumpsuit. 

Then Sokka came down the aisle, and Zuko’s heart nearly stopped. 

Sokka wore his hair down and pushed back behind his ears, and it fell in gentle waves above broad shoulders, clothed in a dark blue suit. It was perfectly tailored, clinging to him in a way that made Zuko’s mouth go dry. He’d put on a bit of makeup because his eyes were even more luminous than usual, and as he turned his head Zuko caught a flash of silver. Sokka wore a single earring, a crescent moon that gleamed in the sunlight. 

He took his place on the other side of the arch and somehow, as the music swelled, his eyes found Zuko’s. Zuko found himself starting to cry again, but he smiled and held Sokka’s gaze until Sokka gave him a quick wink and returned his attention to the wedding. 

In the end, the ceremony was perfect. Momo got distracted by a squirrel and dumped the basket of flower petals, and Appa got so excited by the proceedings that he knocked a laughing Aang to the ground and licked his face. Aang made everyone laugh, and then cry. Katara made everyone  _ sob _ , especially when she talked about her family and her mother. 

Then the ceremony was over, and the guests began making their way over to the tent which had been set up for horderves and cocktails. The wedding party lingered in the garden for photos, and Zuko watched with a bittersweet ache in his chest. He wanted to be friends with them all again so badly that it hurt. He wanted to be part of their lives again, not just occasional text messages and memes from Aang. After he’d refused Sokka’s proposal, he’d fled back to live with Iroh, as if he could pretend that the four years of college, the best years of his life so far, had never happened. And of course Zuko wanted Sokka back above all else, but he’d lost them too, and he had been so much worse for it. 

He tried not to get too melancholy after that, but it was hard when he’d be seated at dinner with strangers. But to his surprise, when he drifted towards the seating chart as everyone made their way inside, a hand grasped him on the shoulder. He turned to see Sokka, who motioned towards the table where the wedding party was sitting. “C’mon, I grabbed you a chair.” 

Zuko’s heart soared, but he glanced anxiously back at the seating chart. “Are you sure? I don’t want to-” 

“I’m sure. I was supposed to have a plus one anyway.” 

Before Zuko could fully absorb what was happening, he was being tugged through the dining room. 

“Sparky!” Toph cried, before he had even said anything. She was already drinking a healthily poured glass of wine, and Suki shot her a bemused look before peering up at Zuko through smoky, glitter painted eyes. It felt like she was looking into his soul, but Zuko didn’t mind. 

“This is Karima and Ila, my cousins,” Sokka said, gesturing at the two girls Zuko hadn’t recognized. They both gave him small waves, then exchanged glances that told him they knew exactly who he was. 

The conversation lulled for only a moment before it started up again, and Zuko had some time to adjust. The glass of red wine he’d snagged from a waiter was helping, and soon he felt a warmth spreading through him that was helped along by Sokka’s knees bumping against his every so often. At first Zuko thought it was an accident, but then he caught Sokka staring at him, which sent a flush racing across his cheeks. 

The toasts were lovely, and in the case of Sokka’s, Zuko laughed until he cried. He’d been trying to avoid Katara’s eye from the little table where she and Aang sat together at the head of the room, but she was sharp as a hawk. Zuko had smiled at her, and, after hesitating a moment, she smiled back. That felt like a win. 

Then the dancing began, and Sokka, already a few drinks deep, was trying to drag Zuko onto the floor. 

“It’ll be fuuuun,” he whined, and Zuko shook his head, laughing. 

“I’ll just step on you.” 

Sokka leaned in close and Zuko’s laugh died in his throat. He swallowed, the noise of the room fading to a dull roar. There was only Sokka. 

"I don't care," Sokka said, and he was leaning in - 

“So are you guys, like, back together?” 

The question had come from one of the cousins, and Zuko's gaze crashed to the ground, the moment shattered. He wasn’t going to answer that when they hadn’t even had a chance to talk about it yet, no matter how desperately he wanted to say yes, or he hoped so. But when he looked up, Sokka wasn't even paying attention - his eyes were on something over Zuko’s shoulder. Shock turned to anger, Sokka’s lip curling, and then he shoved off from the table without a word. Speechless, Zuko watched him stalk through the crowd until he reached the door that led into the hotel, and he saw what Sokka had been staring at. 

It was not a what, but  _ who _ . 

Jet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for the delay!!! i think there will be one or two more chapters :) thank you so much for sticking with me.


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